I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
