I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
