I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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