why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
two words...techno handjob
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
