I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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