youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
