Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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