Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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