so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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