I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
