I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
