oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
