And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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