Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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