you mean i was at the winter classic?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
