Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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