Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found puke in my bra..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
