Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
