so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
