I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
