Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
