i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
