I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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