Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
