Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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