If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
