It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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