So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
