Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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