Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
