Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
