My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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