One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
