you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
this hospital has no fireball
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
