I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
