sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize