I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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