i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
