you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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