I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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