It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
