Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
