Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
