Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
