After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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