Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
