I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
