she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
