I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
