Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
