i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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