think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
