That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She's JV to your varsity
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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