I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
