I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
