He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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