in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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