TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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