My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Rumble strips road head = magical
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize