I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
