since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
