Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think we might need a safe word for this...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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