shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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