Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
