There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
