i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
