Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nicole vs. Life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
