she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
