her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
