Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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