So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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