jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
