I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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