Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i now understand why vodka
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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