Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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