cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
